One More Summer

#Challenge: Between work, sleep, keeping up the house, and screaming at small white balls, dads are challenged to carve out nurturing time with our kids.  Some wise man said, “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.”  I get it, but I don’t want my kids saying that at my funeral.

#HeadGear:  “Boys, let’s go for a drive.”  Carey Casey, NCF’s lead man, starts his excellent book, Championship Fathering, by quoting from his dad who deepened relationships with his children throughout the course of life’s busy-ness.  When I read this, I got goosebumps.  I’ve done this so many times with my own sons – turning trips into teaching times and errands into life lessons.  Tonight, as I like to say, I got the payoff pitch from my youngest son (yup, the one who made me $1 richer last week).  At the dinner table, my wife briefly mentioned a life-lesson I learned long ago through a weird experience.  My son pricked up his ears with an interest in a good story.  I thought for a moment and realized that it wasn’t the best moment to go through the lengthy scenario.  I simply said, “Let me tell you about it later.”  He knew I wasn’t dodging anything, just thinking practically.  My smiling high school junior looked at me and said, “That’s okay Dad, we’ve got one more summer.”  I all but burst out in tears at the realization of what he’d said.  Okay, I actually did start to cry.

I work from home and in the summer I make it a point to take my sons to lunch frequently and always ask them if they’d ride shotgun with me on an errand.  We laugh and yack our way around town, but I also make specific efforts to explain what's causing the crazy man on the radio to lose his mind.  In these precious moments, I lay the foundation for their understanding of politics, economics, spiritual matters, principles of physics, and as much as they’ll let me say about… you know… gurlz.  Sometimes I feel like I’m a banging gong.  Maybe I am, but tonight my son let me know that he values those times and looks forward to them.  What a spectacular moment.  That one dollar just turned into a million.  #IGTBTD

#ManUp:  I’m sympathetic to the demands heaped upon dads.  We’ve got to be the bread-winner, the dragon-slayer, the fair judge, the problem solver, the ditch digger, and the banisher of boogeymen.  You’re loaded to the hilt.  But let me beg you not to take too much time off.  Those runs to the hardware store can turn into a legacy of wisdom passing through the generations – that’s what happened with Carey Casey.  I want to ask you to do a couple things.  Visit the Fathers.com website and order yourself a copy of Championship Fathering.  While you’re there, check out this quick read on “Nonversations”.  The action points there will turn that next trip to the gas station into a father/child legacy.  I promise.

#SoundOff:  By hearing from Carey Casey, I was encouraged in my fathering.  My hunch is you have something to share that will encourage someone else.  Sound off at our Facebook page with how you stay connected with your kids during the busy-ness of life.


Clark H Smith

One Small Step

Challenge: When does patience / tolerance / assistance turn into enabling bad behavior?

It’s 11am the day after Thanksgiving.  My 16 year old son just had his first of seven plates of leftovers.  Done eating, he ran some water over his plate and laid it in the sink.  It still has more debris on it than I’d like to put in the dishwasher… and he put it in the sink, not the dishwasher.  Pretty sure he can handle the complexities of getting a dish all the way into the dishwasher.  But he’s downstairs now playing video games. 

You ever been in this situation?  What would you do?  Should I call him back upstairs to finish the job?  Should I rinse the plate and put it in the dishwasher for him?  Should I make him do all the dishes today to reinforce kitchen courtesy?  I guess I could just go to the ManCave and let my wife handle it.

Dads tiptoe along a thin white stripe between constant griping and letting our kids develop some bad behaviors.  Do you wrestle with this?  Infrequently “getting things straightened out” can be messy business.  You’re suddenly tapping a reservoir of irritation and your child feels like they’ve done a lot wrong for a long time.

Dads, we are the Loving Leaders in our homes.  My goal is to lead my son to be a great husband and father, himself.  There’s a lot on the line and not just about the dishes.  I don’t want to lead my son toward being a lazy person who expects others to clean up after him. 

I have never had a bad conversation with a child that begins with “I want to explain why I think this is important.”  Never.  No child is motivated by griping.  They need you to set the goal out in front of them and encourage them to pursue it.  Junior is still going to put the well-rinsed plate in the dishwasher, but he will do so either begrudgingly or responsibly.  The difference is up to me.

What did I actually do?  I rinsed the plate, put it in the dishwasher, and sent him a text that he owes me $1.

SoundOff:  What’s your approach to teaching good habits?  What are you going to clean up today?  Veteran dads, give the younger dads some encouragement about dealing with the small stuff.  Sound off at the IGTBTD Facebook page.

Clark H Smith

It’s Good To Be The Dad

I have a manila folder labeled “It’s Good To Be The Dad”.  Birthday cards, thank you notes, and other scraps serve as little reminders that, well, it’s good to be the dad!  Hallmark isn’t beating down my door to license the corny, awkward sentiments on those notes, but they’re as precious to me as anything I own.  Crayon and pencil are the media of choice and I’d grab that folder before any fine art if the house was on fire.

Maybe it’s just in my own head, but I think dads start out with a weak hand when it comes to parenting.  We are not natural nurturers and that’s what a child needs most from us.  The precious notes in my IGTBTD folder serve as mile markers on my journey through Dadlandia.

I’ve heard it said that mothers are the leading lovers in the family and dads are the loving leaders.  I’ll buy that.  But I have to ask myself, where am I lovingly leading my children?  Have you ever thought about it that way?  Where are you leading your children?  I look ahead 30 years and this is what I want to see - let's call them the seven visions.

• a person living their faith with integrity
• a confident person encouraging others
• a spouse who’s partner can’t wait to see them at the end of the day
• a citizen contributing to the betterment of their home, workplace, and community
• a financially shrewd person
• a wise person contributing to the wisdom of others
• a parent replicating this list in their children

That list is not a dream for the future, it’s an action plan for today.  Everything I do should feed the fulfillment of that list in my children.  Fortunately, the dad journey is long and slow.  Sometimes I stall out and, by not asking directions, I’ve been known to get lost “once in a great while”.

I’ll be honest with you… my dad was a very good man, but not a great father.  He put food on the table and paddled my butt as often as I needed it.  He did not nurture me to be a husband or father.  I feel like I’ve had to figure out this fathering thing on my own.  Every time I look at my kids, my heart soars with aspirations of being a great dad.  And every time they look up to me, I see the value of my efforts and I’m always reminded, you know, it’s good to be the dad.

#SoundOff:  I’d love to have you add to my list.  What did I forget?  What did you receive from your dad that you are intentional about passing on to your kids?    Are you looking for some wisdom or do you need encouragement today?  How can I help?  Sound off on our Facebook page.

Clark H Smith