First Day of School

Yesterday I posted some thoughts about College Drop Off Day.  Today, I’m looking at the other end of the spectrum – First Day of School (especially first graders).

The first day of First Grade is an exciting time for students and overwhelming moment for parents.  Two decades later, I still have part of a lump in my throat from my oldest son’s first day.  Here’s a short video documenting the day.  (Please forgive the hairstyles and fashion disasters!)

If you are one of those parents about to introduce a first grader to school life, there’s hope.  You will get them back at the end of the day!  I asked a good friend of mine, Marsha Butler, to share some thoughts about getting your child ready for that big first day at school.  Marsha has been teaching elementary school in Kansas for 35 years.  (She started at age 9, I guess.)  I asked Marsha about teaching awards she’s received.  Her response: “Hugs are the best rewards.”

Wonderful Marsha, and her handsome husband Bob

There are lots of great things to do to prepare both parents and beginning kindergartners or first graders the summer before the year begins.

As you approach the first day of school, talk about school in a positive light. Talk about how they will be away from home without a parent.  Discuss how much fun it will be learning new things.  During the summer, plan play dates with children that are the same age and may be in the same class.  Invite children to your house, but also be sure they have time away from you, too.  Discuss sharing, manners, being helpful, and be a good friend.

Two to three weeks before the beginning of school, walk to the school and play on the playground.   Get the school supply list and let your child help pick out the supplies they need.  Maybe talk about the clothes that they will be wearing and pick out a new shirt or outfit.  If the child is riding a bus to or from school, talk about what that will be like and find an older child to help them at first.

Before school begins, establish a schedule at home and especially a bedtime.  Children need about ten hours of sleep.  Be sure they are eating a healthy breakfast.  Talk about the lunch that they will have at school or if they take their lunch, what choices they will have.  This is a good time to talk about good nutrition.

The week before schools starts, do a dress rehearsal of the first day of school.  Be sure they have plenty of time so that you are not rushing out the door.  Most schools have an evening before school starts that families can tour the building, meet the teacher, and see the room.  Be sure you go and meet the teacher.  This may be a time for parents to sign-up to volunteer or be a part of PTA or PTO.  Children that see their parents involved in school will understand the importance of school.   Always be an encourager to the teacher... they need your support!  That week before, have your child write a little note or picture for the teacher.

The night before, everybody as an early bedtime.  After a good breakfast, parents take your child to school and say good bye at the door.  (If you are going to cry, hold it until after they are in the room).  Do not make the good-bye long.  Reassure the child you will see them after school is out.  If this is an emotional time, plan to meet other parents at a local coffee shop to talk about it.   After school is out, be excited to hear about your child's day and what they did.  Plan a celebration - a favorite dinner or dessert.   Be consistent with the schedule, reading, and homework. 

Thanks Marsha!  Great advice that I know will help parents and students alike.  I want to add a thought… I got kind of choked up when Marsha asked us to be an encourager to the teacher.  My mom was an elementary teacher and our family has also homeschooled with my wife doing the heavy lifting of teaching.  I whole-heartedly agree that teachers need – and deserve – encouragement.  I hope that all my readers will make a point of being a most encouraging parent this school year.  Who knows, maybe the teacher will give you an apple!

College Drop Off Day Success

For millions of children, August means back-to-school.  For some, August will present an entirely new life experience – college.  Having dropped off a couple kids at college already, I’m keenly aware of the cocktail of personal and family emotions that “Drop Off Day” (DOD) brings.  This short video captures DOD our first time around.  Note: If you put a 10 year old in charge of videography, you may find out the truth of exactly what will be missed around the house!

I’ve recently had the pleasure to meet Dr. Pat Bosco, Kansas State University’s Vice President for Student Life and Dean of Students.  I asked Dr. Bosco to take on the unofficial title of “Dean of Parents” and give some words of encouragement to the parents of incoming freshmen.  (Sorry that video was of #1 son dropping off at KU, Pat. #4 son is all yours!)

Dr. Bosco shares his wisdom…

The best you can do to prepare your child for college is what you have been doing... love, support, encourage. Show them you care and that you are excited for them. Let them know you believe they will be successful goes a long way.

Do not feel like you have to be the first to arrive on moving day. Getting there early or later will still result in the same room, set-up, etc. Take time in the morning to plan the day, don't rush to be first in line. Being relaxed, organized and having a good breakfast helps everyone have a good frame of mind.

Let your student set the tone for the day. It’s important for them to know that they can handle things on their own and planning move in day can be a first step to independence as a college student. You will be able to see your student in action, handling conflict, transition, etc. That can help reassure you as well.

Be mindful of your child’s inner tensions. Students are wondering if they are the only one feeling conflicting feelings... if they will be able to be successful... will they make friends. Let them know you believe in them, they can and will be successful. Encourage your student to make new friends. All students are making new friends and learning a new place. Remind them they are not alone. Parents should make connections with each other as well.

Helping your student move in is good, but once they are dropped off it is time for parents to go. Students often comment that they do not feel like they are a college student until their family has left. Move them in, take them to lunch, and head for home. Have your student walk you to the car for a final goodbye. It is easier for them to embrace their new life as a college student, make friends, and get settled when they are on their own. They know they can call if they need you.

Moving forward... set plans for the first visit home, but not the first weekend they are away. Send signs of care throughout the semester. Care packages during finals and midterms, text them before a test, little signs to show them you are there and care. Show you are invested in their success, but let them choose how much they want you to help. Parents can support each other through this process... plan something fun for just mom and dad to do that first weekend.

Parents shift from guardians to mentors during this time. Guide your student in firm, but gentle ways. Let them know it is ok to ask for help. Open-ended questions help them share their thoughts and feelings. Offering help can be good, but ultimately they need to make final decisions on their own.

Good words, Dr. Bosco.  Thank you very much.  I would add that parents should remember that every child is unique.  Ask them in advance what they would like their day to look like and then double-check a couple times during DOD to see if they suggest any changes to the plan.  Mom & Dad, as hard as it may be to accept, this is a huge ASCD (apron string cutting day).  As much as you’d like to hold on, your child needs to cut loose.  Meditate on that as the day approaches.  And have a fresh box of tissues ready for the drive home.