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| ...but oh, what beautiful hair I had (then) |
#HeadGear: While in
high school, I met a girl at church camp who lived in a distant town. We fell in like with each other. Over the following year, I managed to go see
her a couple times. I enjoyed her family
and we always had a lot of fun. On one
occasion, this friend presented me with one of the most special gifts I’ve ever
received – a song she’d written and dedicated to me. She accompanied herself on guitar as she sang the hook line: “You do mean more to me than anything I know.” Wow! I
was 16 and I had a song written by a girl just to honor her love for me. Go ahead, top that!
Flash forward… A year later, another church camp, another
girlfriend, another chapter in life’s long book. I lost touch with my friend after that. Fifteen years later, when my father was
hospitalized after a terminal stroke, I found out that this dear old friend worked
in the same hospital. We talked briefly
on the phone, but it was not a good time to catch up. Through the wonders of the internet, I found
her again a couple years ago – now almost 40 years later. We chatted on the
phone about fleeting memories. I asked
if she remembered the song she’d written for me. “Oh gosh, Clark, I’ve written so many songs
over the years, I didn’t even know I’d written one for you. But I do remember your shampoo. You used Prell. I still think of you every time I smell Prell
shampoo.”
Ever had your emotional fingers slammed in the car door of a
long dead relationship? OUCH! All this time I thought I was “song boy”, but
in reality I was more memorable to her for the flavor of shampoo I used. THAT’S what I mean by keeping things in
perspective.
#ManUp: Around
that time in high school, I promulgated the Incontrovertible Rule of Relationships – you either break up or get married.
Take some time and think about it.
It’s completely true. I tell that
to my boys all the time, especially when they don’t want to hear it. Then I tell them the IRR again just after they break up.
I’m a stinker like that.
But seriously, dads, your wife is going to bandage a wounded
heart and assure your child that “there is someone better out there waiting for
them”. Maybe so, I don’t like predicting
the future. As dads, I think our job is
to keep our children grounded. They need
to hear from us that non-marital relationships are just that, relationships
with other people we’re not married to.
Especially for teenagers, we need to encourage social dating (groups)
and throw up as many road blocks to one-on-one dating as we can without setting
something on fire. I’ve watched too many
pair-bonded BFs + GFs spend one or two of the most valuable years of their
lives scrambled up in doe-eyed love with each other and miss out on the social
development that is supposed to happen in the teen years.
I think dating-with-marriage-in-mind is great once people
hit their mid-20s. Until then, an awful
lot of energy is spent investing in relationships that have a short shelf
life. Our teen children need to expand their
horizons, not contract them. Dads, we have to lead in that process.
IRR: You either break up or get married.
IRR (addendum): The shampoo you use is going to be a
stronger memory than your “love”.
