Craig was BMOC. He was charismatic, a gifted actor, musician, artist, and handsome as the day is long. If you were proto-typing the perfect American male, you’d start with Craig and not tweak much. Even two and three years after moving to this new town, I still felt like an outsider and I was happy to have a friend like Craig. We played sports together, performed in band together, and performed in plays together. It was a happy friendship.
But Craig was from “a broken home” (as we said in the 70s) and my folks could see that his world lacked discipline and boundaries. My parents’ strategy was to minimize contact with “unsavory” characters and influences. I’ve learned not to judge my mother’s protective instincts, but I do often think she went about it the wrong way.
After high school graduation, I went off to college and a
career. Craig headed for the
spotlight. He recorded music in
Nashville, he acted in Hollywood, he created some marvelous bronze
sculptures. But as we bumped into each
other just a couple times over the following forty years, Craig opened my eyes
to an astounding realization. In high
school, he looked up to me. As adults, in spite of the apparent glamour of
his life, it was my marriage and family that he valued. I understand that he currently spends most of
his days alone, golfing a little bit with the boys down at the club in rural
Texas.
Every human has a “the grass is greener on the other side of
the fence” chip – we are hard wired to compare and wish we had what other have. A three year old sees another child with an
ice cream cone and immediately wants one no matter if it’s breakfast or
bedtime. As children get older, the kids
with trampolines and swimming pools are the envy of their peers. As teens, the kids who get to go on skiing
vacations are “the lucky ones”.
When my sons wished they had what their friends had, I tried
to not buy into the coveting cycle with them.
I’ve tried to use “I wish” moments as an opportunity to bless other
people’s good fortune and hard work, but also to teach some economics. “Son, I’d love to take the family skiing for
a week, also. Sounds like a ton of
fun. You know I work hard, but on our
family’s income, we’d have to give up one of our cars to afford a trip like that. Think of all we do in our cars.”
When my kids point out the excellence in their peers and
think out loud how nice it must be to
be so talented or athletic, I use it as an opportunity to point out the hard
work and persistence it takes excel at anything. I also point out my child’s natural talents
and I’ll say things like, “I know being able to do what (talented kid) does is
great, but we’re all made different and I’m proud of your ability to (talent).”
And always thinking of Craig, there’s one more thing I’ve
done throughout my children’s lives. I’ve
flung the front door wide open and invited their friends to be part of our
family. Not just come over and play, but
to eat a meal with us, to sit and talk with my wife and me. I’m not the perfect father, but if any of
these kids need a father or a respectable father-figure, I intend to make sure
they know that I’m there for them as well as my own sons. I know already it has made a difference in several
lives.
I never met Craig’s dad, but I knew of him and if you lived
in the 60s or 70s you’ve seen his work.
He worked for NASA in Houston designing logo artwork for each Apollo
mission. Isn’t it ironic that the thing
Craig could tell us about his dad was how he was sort of famous for things he
did for other people. None of you have
ever heard of my dad, but he made my house a home. In essence, my mother was right. I should never set anyone or thing on a
pedestal. But mom’s righteousness lacked
wisdom. My world was filled with people
who needed to believe again in a stable home where husband and wife loved each
other and their kids.
I
love being a dad. It’s Good To Be The
Dad! And it is better, still, to share
my love with those talented stars of tomorrow who just need to feel a father’s
embrace today.
Clark H Smith
