“Am I kissing him too much?”
When my first son was born, I was overwhelmed with joy and
love. I just wanted to gobble him up with affection. But I had never been down
this path of life before and I didn’t know what was
“proper”. I think every dad
shares that vulnerability.
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| Baby Isaac... and the happiest dad in the world! |
A new article on the AP wire, The
new dads: Diaper duty's just the start, carries a quote that really caught
my attention: "Before, when everyone made motherhood seem like such a big
deal, men weren't chipping in as much." (I urge you to read the article.)
Before my Mom audience* lynches this guy (‘cuz mother IS
a big deal!), can I take a run at explaining what this dad wanted to say? Motherhood is a big deal. So big, it is very easy
for dads to feel like we’re on the outside looking in… like we don’t “get it”. I
think what this dad intended to say was that he’d happily engage in caring for the
baby if his wife would empower him
to participate.
Men, most men anyway, are not natural caregivers. We’re just
not wired that way. Nonetheless, the arrival of a new life in one’s home, in
one’s arms, sparks a desire in most men to participate even in the earliest
efforts to care for this life. We need permission and encouragement from the mothers of our child to dive into
parenthood. My wife gave me that and it opened the door for the great
realization that It’s Good To Be The
Dad!
I recently helped out on a project with the National Center for Fathering. We converted a
great book on the first stage of fatherhood from print format to ebook. “Forming a Lifelong Bond: For Dads
of Infants” is an encouraging and insightful project that will inspire every
new dad. Working on the book, I waffled between “Glad I did that right” to “Ouch, wish I had known that.”
So, dads (even
expecting ones, you know who you are), would you do a couple things today?
Read the AP
article and realize that you’re part of a remarkable generations of dads.
Own it. AND, please download the ebook
and make some time to read it in the next couple weeks. There’s a lot of wisdom
waiting for you there.
Oh, was I kissing my newborn baby too much? No. Turns out
you can’t kiss ‘em too much. Smooch away dad, smooch away!!!!
Clark H Smith
* And for my “Mom audience” (you know who you are), would you make note of this blog post and
these two resources. Would you share these thoughts with a young man who is now or
is about to be a new dad? Motherhood… Parenthood is a big deal and we dads want
to help. Would you think of ways you can encourage and empower us as we stumble
into this incredible role of father? Thank you!
