An acquaintance of mind, David Patterson, once wrote some of
the most precious and poignant words I’ve ever read:
“Home is where you first hear
your name spoken in love.”
Think back to when your baby entered your home. Think about the words you cooed to that
precious child. Think about the
tenderness with which you spoke those words, including your baby’s name. Love wrapped its arms around that name and
carried it into your babe’s heart. Home
is where you first hear your name spoken in love. What a perfect portrait of the home.
And your baby’s name is not the only name spoken in
love. “Mommy” “Daddy”
“Bubba” “Sissy” All the names of the home wear the same cloak
of affection.
Tammy & Raylee...
thanks for the inspiration, ladies!
A dear friend of mine began a wonderful bedtime experience
with her sons long ago and continues often now when her grand-niece
visits. When the busyness of the day is
done and a night’s sleep is at hand, my friend cuddles up with her child and,
together, they say “who all we love” - listing everyone by name and repeating
several names.
What a wonderful bedtime tradition… for the home to not only
be the place where your name is spoken in love, but also the place where you
express and emphasize the love you have for others.
I’m sharing this bedtime tradition in this blog because I
think this is a perfect experience for fathers to participate in. Yes, moms are the one who typically represent
the beauty of love in the home. All the
more reason dads should find meaningful times and ways to help their children
recognize that their dad is a loving person, too. I certainly want my children to see me as a
compassionate person with love for the people in my world. Don’t you?
If you’re fortunate to still have children who crave a few
moments with you before they sail off to Dreamland, consider cuddling up with
them and getting lost in saying “who all we love.” I have a feeling it will make their dreams
all the sweeter.
Just watched the ESPN 30 for 30 movie “Broke”. Stunning!
(If it becomes available online, I’ll post the link here.)
Through pro athletes telling their personal tragedies, “Broke”
presents a painfully real montage of squandered wealth and opportunity. The movie-maker acknowledges the problem – in
most cases, athletes come from poor homes and communities, become extravagantly
wealthy with their signing bonus, and have no clue about dealing with wealth.
Billions of dollars that could have gone to trust funds for
children, charitable foundations, investments in sound business opportunities,
and decades of comfortable “retirement” living has instead rained on strippers,
settled paternity suits, disappeared in dubious investment schemes, and myriad
other forms of dissipation.
At NFL Rookie Orientation, Herm Edwards admonishes the young
nouveau riche, “You only need one of anything.”
One home, one car, one gold chain, “not a Mr. T starter set”, and
presumably, only one baby mama.
The barrage of failure anecdotes in “Broke” was
withering. I was truly sad that none of
the athletes had someone who could speak financial wisdom into their lives. From Bernie Kosar who suffered an alcoholic
father to numerous athletes from the ghetto who may have never known their
fathers, there was a consistent backstory to “Broke” – most of these athletes grew
up without learning to trust a father (or father-figure) who could help them
understand the world.
Then, the most remarkable thing happened. At sixty-eight minutes into the live airing
of the movie, a Buick commercial comes on.
Maybe you’ve seen it.
Here’s the irony that nearly knocked me over, “Broke” was
sponsored by a commercial featuring a pitchman who is famously successful in the
financial world as well as the football world – Peyton Manning. And in the commercial, Peyton is driving his
beautiful Buick over to a cookout at his dad’s house – former pro QB, Archie Manning.
My high-placed sources at Google tell me that Peyton has a current
net worth of $115million and is playing under a $98m contract. Little brother Eli is probably just driving a
Chevy considering his paltry $60m net worth and $97m contract. Are the Manning boys having to pay Mom &
Dad’s rent? Probably not. Although only earning $600,000 in 1981, his
last year in the league, thirty years later, Archie’s net worth is reportedly
$10m*.
I don’t know anything about Manning home life, but I doubt
it was at all like what Bernie Kosar reports – a father who lashed him a belt
if Bernie was slow fetching dad’s next beer.
Senior Kosar later bilked his son out of millions of Bernie’s money.
So, what’s the big point here? There will always be someone who’s more than
capable of separating a fool and his money.
My question – for all my readers, all you dads – are you doing what is
necessary to raise financially wise adults?
And children, are you listening?
ESPN is going to run “Broke” several more times in the
coming week. I hope you dads will watch
it with your kids – 10 years and up, for sure.
And then, get serious about raising future Reggie Wilkes**, not KeithMcCants***. Let me know if I can help.
By the way, did you hear about the former pro
quarterback who was paid $100m just to borrow his name for a few
years? It’s all true.
Clark H Smith
*All things being equal, if the Manning boys do at least as well as dad after football, each will have estates worth over a half a billion dollars when they’re Pop’s age.
** During his football career, Wilkes began working at Merrill Lynch. After about 10 years at Merrill, he left to found his own company, ProCap LLC. He rejoined Merrill in 2007, about three years after selling ProCap. Wilkes net worth in 2011 - $200m.
*** "I wish I had never had any money," McCants said during an interview at the Pinellas County jail, where he has been held since April 23 on a fugitive warrant from Mobile. "I would've been great without money. It's a sad story, but it's a true story. Money destroyed everything around me and everything I care for, my family, my so-called friends. I just want enough to live on. I never want to be rich again."
As a young child and into my teen years, when my brother and
I fought, my mom would often intervene by saying, “You’re just trying to hurt
me.”
Of course, now I see that attempted guilt trip for what it
was, but even as a youngster I was perplexed by her being so far off base. I fought with my brother because I thought he
was a dork or he had something I wanted.
How my mother felt about it was my last concern.
Fast forward. I’m now
a parent of four boys ranging in age from 27 to 17. Sibling rivalries have given way to
friendship and support. Thank you,
Lord! But even when they fought as
children I never dropped a guilt bomb on them.
Recently, one of my sons did something he shouldn’t have. It was a big deal. It wounded my trust and a bond I felt we had
built. As we debriefed his transgression
and I thought about how to mete out consequences for what he did, something
inside of me kept saying, “Whatever you do, don’t let your son’s actions break
the relationship you have with him.” I
actually verbalized to him, “I’m not
going to let this become a problem between you and me.”
I was kind of stunned by that recommendation from my inner
voice. I’m not sure I’d heard it before. But I certainly felt there was a lot of
wisdom in it. Although I felt personally
injured as a parent, I was looking out over the decades to come and I realized
that I didn’t want his foolishness to blow up the bridge that linked us.
Hearing this wisdom, I approached my son’s “punishment”
differently. He lost some privileges for
a while, but the larger consequence was that my wife and I put in place some
accountability measures. The punishment
was actually a path for rebuilding trust.
Instead of screaming “I’m mad at you,” we pleaded, “Treasure the trust
your parents place in you.” Accordingly,
the consequences actually became a closer bond and connection. Pretty amazing. Thank you, inner voice.
Now obviously we’re not talking about sibling fights in this
instance. Petty crimes are often best
solved by immediate disciplinary action, but when you face a “big deal” with an
older child, I hope you’ll heed your inner voice when it urges you to be
patient, be thoughtful, and do what it takes to make your relationship with
your child stronger.
Clark H Smith
If you would like to consider the spiritual implications of this situations, please visit my Follow Illustrated blog and read "For My Own Sake".
