The Dad Box

I was fortunate to be able to speak at my home church on Father's Day 2012.  My topic was "The Dad Box".  You can watch the video on YouTube.

Every father builds a box that his children will eventually inherit and carry around in their own lives.  My dad was not perfect and The Dad Box I got from him has some stuff in it that I'd rather not have to lug around.

On the other hand, I've seen so many people in this world have a Dad Box that is crippling them.  It's ruining their lives and it's ruining the lives of people around them.  My sermon is especially directed at those of you with Dad Boxes that you can't bear to carry anymore.   I hope you'll watch this video, take it to heart, and tell me what you think.

To all us dads who are still working on our own boxes, you can't take anything out of or put anything into your father's Dad Box, but you still have the chance to change what you put in your own box.  My message will encourage you as you fill up The Dad Box you're about to give to your children.

Whatever you situation, I wish for you the courage to persevere in doing what is best for the generations that come and carry your Dad Box.

Clark H Smith

Father's Day... Only Half The Story

There's a lot on my mind and a lot on my plate as I approach Father's Day.  I've been invited to preach at my home church this Sunday. Topic: What Children Need From Their Father.

I think... I hope... I have enough material.  I'll post my message next week and you can judge for yourself.  But the bottom line is I'll only get to half the message.

There's a paradox in Father's Day - all us fathers were all once sons. We still are.  Although we added a new job to our resume, we are all still what we were first - kids.

I call this a paradox because those little angels who look up at us with their innocent eyes assume that, as tall people, we must have all the answers, we must be professionals at this career of parenting.

In reality, I still desperately want to go to a lake and chunk rocks and watch the ripples.  I still want to stay up late and sleep in. I want to plop fizzies and count fireflies.  I still want to be the way I discovered the world - innocent, inquisitive, and happily restless.

When I was a lad I liked apple juice.  I drank it frequently into early adulthood.  Then something odd happened.  I became a father.  And the pitcher of amber ambrosia in the fridge was now for the young'uns.  I put away children's things.  Sure, I could enjoy a pitcher all to myself now.  But it wasn't the juice.  It was being a kid and drinking the juice.  That's the part that's not in the fridge.

I love my four boys.  More than they'll know... until they have kids, and find an indescribable love, and forsake apple juice and become the Knower-of-Everything and Giver-of-Allowance.  For the time being, I know something they don't.  It's good to be the dad.

Between now and Father's Day, PLEASE read this excellent short essay by an acquaintance of mine.  It moved me.

Clark H Smith

"...For The Rest of Her Life"

I’m the father of four boys.  The only thing pink in my house is the dampness indicator on my cell phone battery.  

I have no idea what it’s like to sit at a tea party, to sit in front of WalMart selling Girl Scout cookies, or to sit with a daughter who’s just had her heart broken by a boy.  To me, it’s like visiting Holland.  I’m sure it’s a nice place, but I’ve just never been there.

I’ve done the math and calculated that raising girls is eleven times more challenging than raising boys.  Is that about right?  Every day, every hour, fathers of daughters set the standard of what these beautiful flowers are going to expect from men in their grown up lives. 

I’m a little reluctant to ask Chris Rock to drive this point home for me, but a short clip from one of his comedy routine sums up the issue perfectly.  Here's the link. (Be aware, Rock uses coarse subject matter and language I do not condone. Please watch judiciously.)

Chris Rock makes a dramatic point that every dad needs to understand:

“My relationship with my daughter is going to affecther relationship with men for the rest of her life.”

As the father of boys, I’ve had the privilege of hosting innumerable young ladies in my home.  My heart always breaks for the girls who have “daddy issues” – the ones’ whose father is not doing the heavy lifting of being a good dad.  Please read my previous post on this related topic.  Dads of daughters, I salute you and I applaud you.  I tremble at the thought of what you face every day. 

As we move toward Father’s Day, I want to ask my readers, fathers of daughters and/or sons, to consider again your influence upon your children’s friends.  Many of them come into your home and feel a safety and peace they quietly, desperately hunger for.  

Be the dad to each and every one of these kids.  Get to know them.  Ask about their lives, their school, their family.  Show an interest in them just like you show interest in your own children.  Yup, your own kids will cringe occasionally, but over time, they’ll understand what you’re doing.

Why do this?  Because if ever a child enters your home and that child needs a father to look up to - be that dad.  Don't miss an opportunity to show a child that there are great dads out there who care, who love, who lead with grace.  Give them something to hope for even if they don't see it at home.

And one more thing.  Dads tend to have friends who are dads.  Would you consider encouraging them?  Every dad personally feels the weight of being the leader of the family.  Every dad I know constantly takes inventory of how he’s doing and whether the kids “are going to turn out alright”.  Take the lead and encourage other dads.

I hope by now that you know that I admire the work that National Center for Fathering.  I’ve contributed articles to them for a couple decades.  It’s Good To Be The Dad is an “official blog” of NCF and gets a lot of exposure thanks to them.  I believe whole-heartedly in what they do.  

• Please, visit the Fathers.com website and find out more about their great resources.  
• Please, LIKE their Facebook page.  
• Please, sign up for their weekly email where once a week, Carey Casey, NCF’s dynamic CEO writes a blog that will inspire, equip, and maybe even entertain you.  Don’t miss it.

Now finally, if perchance I ruffled your feathers with Chris Rock, let me soothe them with this superb video from the good folks at Volkswagen.

Go Dad, GO!  It’s good to be the dad.

Clark H Smith